Returning "home"

What a perfect time to start a blog…

It is one week before I am going “home” to San Diego for a quick Memorial Day trip. The impetus of my voyage – my ex’s commitment ceremony, an event that, honestly, thrills me. He is an incredible individual that has found an equally amazing partner to share his life with. I feel incredibly honored to be sharing this with them and their families. Sure, a part of me is saddened by the fact that I am, once again, attending a wedding event without an official date by my side, but my time will come. In the meantime, I am not going to the celebration “alone”.

At my side (and attached to my hip for the weekend) will be my mother. Funny! Somehow she convinced my “PhD ex” (the beginning of names to protect the identity of those associated with me) to get invited to the ceremony. She is officially coming as my “date” since I missed the cut-off for having a boy to bring as my companion. It will be a blast! My mother is the heart of every party and, most often, the center of attention. She will be the highlight of our table and be additional entertainment for all seated with us. The trick for me in these situations is seeing her less as my mother and more as other people see her “an incredibly hip, liberal, out-spoken, fun women who happens to be the mother of a gay son.” The plus side of having her there is that I am guaranteed to have a blast, the downside – I will be with my mother for 36 straight hours… She will be there when I awake, she’ll be there through each and every day and she will be there when I fall asleep, for almost three days. Forgive me if I don’t sound thrilled, but 36 hours straight with anyone is exhausting, let alone your mother. There will be no time for high school friends during those days and limited time for anything where she is not immediately by my side.

Of course, this changes the dynamic of my time in CA and turns, what should be, a “Memorial Day vacation” to simply a “Memorial day trip.” The question becomes, “When does going back to the place you grew-up, stop being ‘returning home’?”

Don’t get me wrong, I am looking forward to my trip back west! I am sure I will have a great time. The trick will be in striking that balance between “mom-time” and “me-time”. I think that is what holds the key to “home”. To your parents, you will always be the small child that grew-up under their roof. Their definition of you returning “home” is you being that child, the object of their affection and their legacy for the future. Breaking free from that, realizing the duality of your existence in the place you grew-up, establishing YOUR needs (visiting friends etc) and reminding yourself that “home” is just as much where you choose to live as it is where you grew-up makes every trip to your childhood residence a true trip “home”.