Fantasies...

Fantasies - we all allow ourselves to have them and I truly believe that we all need them to survive. There is just that vital balance between allowing fantasies to be an inspiration and becoming overrun by them. I suppose I succumbed to the latter this week and watched as the ‘world’ that I created came tumbling down. Ironically, it was not as painful as I would have thought. I should explain…

It began with an innocent introduction to a tall, blonde, attractive man in a suit (ok, we already have enough material for a fantasy, but I’ll continue.) At first, I paid no attention, he was a bit ‘out of my league’, or so I thought; apparently, he disagreed. The introduction led to conversation and the conversation led to an innocent kiss goodnight. Sweet, appropriate, comfortable and it blew my mind…

He left and it wasn’t until later that I realized: 1) I had no way of contacting him and 2) I didn’t remember his name. I did, however, know enough about him that I would be able to track him down. So, at this point we add mystery and ‘reliance on fate’ into the equation and a recipe for a disaster of a fantasy is born.

I spent the week envisioning conversations I could have with him, places I might run into him, creating the image of him into the “perfect boyfriend”. I should’ve stopped, I tried to stop, I failed to stop.

I finally could handle it no longer, so I returned to the scene of the initial conversation, a bar/club with a bartender who is a neighbor of mine. I entered alone with the intension of being met by a few friends. Before they arrived, I approached my bartender friend and asked if he knew the guy (by now anyone I spoke to about him knows him as simply “The Austrian”). Of course he did. As a matter of fact, he filled me in on the details: a player, 'not a closer’* and someone he would really like to see me steer clear of. In other words, exactly the kind of guy I fall for and exactly what I need to stay away from.

As predicted, The Austrian entered the bar (at precisely the time the bartender said he would) with his posse of admirers. Stunning he is, charming he is and dangerous. In the few moments I watched him interact with others, I saw what I needed to see. The assessment was correct; this is not the man I created in my head and not someone I needed to heavily invest in. I did speak to him and was equally as charmed, just not nearly as sucked in. He didn’t pay the same kind of attention as he had the week before (perhaps the three guys fawning over him distracted him enough) and the magic of the initial moment just wasn’t there. The door is not closed, but reality has set back in. My fantasy will continue, but reality doesn’t always live up to fantastical expectations.


*a new term I learned tonight meaning someone who flirts hardcore, maybe even enters a bit of physical interaction and then doesn’t follow through – no call, no date, just disappears.