DC DMV

Now, I am going to preface this with the fact that in all the times I have gone to DMV I have NEVER had a horrible experience… this time was different and I now understand why people think they are inept.

In the mail, I received a notice for an unpaid parking ticket. Pretty standard for the District, but there is a catch: I sold my car and surrendered my plates in April of this year; the ticket was issued to my license plate in August.

Now, it doesn’t take a genius to realize that something is amiss. I called the adjudication services of the DMV who informed me that the system was showing that I had not relinquished my plates and that they were in fact still registered to me. The only course of action was to contact DMV, “excuse me” I said, “but aren’t I speaking with the DMV now?”

“Yes, sir, but you are speaking with adjudication services. Our system is different than the other DMV system and to relinquish your plates, you have to come down to our offices and turn them in.”

“Ma’am, I did that in April.”

“Well, I’m sorry sir, but the only thing you can do is come down and talk to someone.” And she proceeds to hang-up… I knew I was in for it.

Calmly I gathered my thoughts, grabbed the supporting documents and headed down to the black hole, otherwise known as DMV. I walked in and was greeted by a rather short line which moved very quickly; at first I thought my DMV luck was carrying on… boy was I off.

I was called up to the reception desk by this woman wearing a white short-sleeve button up sweater that was two sizes too small for her breasts. I explained the situation and showed her the documentation to which she replied “That’s impossible.”… Well, no, it’s not impossible because IT HAPPENED. She turned to her computer and began typing. After a few moments the guy next to her asked what the issue was and he said I needed to go to adjudication services to deal with ticket issues. I was still smiling at this point and calmly explained what I needed yet again. The two of them figured out which system they needed to look in and the man returned to his station. After a couple of minutes (and without resolution) the woman stood up and said “I need a cigarette” and walked away. That’s right, left me standing there with no answers, no direction and just walked off.

Finally, the man (who spoke softly and with the worst diction I have ever heard) came back to help and went off to get a supervisor. Fast forward twenty minutes, I am still waiting for a supervisor and the cigarette woman comes back and says “you still here?” At this point, my smile has faded and in my mind I am thinking “still here? F**K yes, I am still here. I’ve had no resolution, I’ve been waiting forever while you smoke and I am not paying for a ticket that wasn’t even issued to me.” She didn’t say or do anything else, she just returned to her seat and said “next”. (I think smoke was coming from my ears.)

A supervisor finally came out, spoke to me, gave me additional paperwork and told me to mail it to the adjudication services with an explanation and that this ticket would be cleared. That sounds all well and good, but when I asked if the underlying issue of that plate number still being attached to my name was going to be cleared he said “there is nothing I can do about that, so I suggest you keep this paperwork in case it happens again” and went back to his locked office.

I wish that was the end, but no, I also had to change my address. That took an additional 45 minutes and came with its own hassles: 1) the machine that prints the licenses was broken, 2) the man who fixes the machine (who was sitting across the room) was “on his break” 3) when it was fixed, my license printed upside down so they had to re-print it 4) once it was issued the man turned to me and asked “do you want me to change the registration for you vehicle as well?” “What vehicle?”, I ask. “The one with license plate BN………”

It never ends!